february wrap up | what i read and loved

Hi there! My name is Jan and welcome back to another blog post ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜ ♥

This is my first wrap up on my blog and I’m vv excited to do it! Usually I write down everything I’ve loved/did in a month down in my journal just bc it’s a good way to spill out my feelings and reflect, but after seeing so many other bloggers do wrap ups on their blog, I decided to give it a shot! I want to connect and interact with you guys as much as possible ❤

I will be talking about everything I’ve read, watched, listened and more! To watch my february wrap up video, watch it here!

February was a really, really, busy and hectic month for me. It was also really chaotic in terms of my personal life, my school life, and my life as a content creator. Even though I was really busy and overwhelmed, I still had a lot of good moments I would like talk about with you all! How was February for you? Anything exciting happen? Let me know!

Reads

In total I’ve read about 4 books last month, which isn’t a lot but I’m proud of myself for reading consistently lately! Once I’m in a slump, I get into a SLUMP, so I’m really proud of myself being able to do so!

What I’ve read in February:

I finally read The Burning God after setting it aside for months! Thank you Ace and Trin for bullying me into finishing it ❤ Check out my review here!

I also read The Invisible Life of Addie Larue after seeing it float around TikTok for so long. My irl friends sent it to me knowing how much I like books and thought I would enjoy it… well… I didn’t LMFAO. The ending is what saved it for me but it was really boring in my opinion 😦 I should be posting a book review of this soon! Be sure to watch out for that ❤

I Love You So Mochi has been on my TBR for so long and I finally read it this month! It definitely got me into the February feels just because of how cute and fluffy it was. Definitely a great and light read if you want some cute fluff ❤

I also read Horimiya Vol.9 ! I always try to read at least one manga a month and I’ve been binging the Horimiya series ever since the anime got released this year! It’s definitely one of my favorite mangas ever, it’s so fluffy and wholesome and cute and I WOULD JUST D WORD FOR IZUMI MIYAMURA. thank you.

I mean, seriously, look how cute they are :((

I also got approved for one of the ARCs I’ve been wanting to read FOREVER!! The Ones We’re Meant to Find by Joan He has been at the top of my most anticipated 2021 reads and I’m sososo happy I finally have it in my possessions to read ❤ I’m only at the 50% mark and things are getting CRAZY. I can’t wait to share my thoughts with you all later on the blog!

Films

I’ve also binged a ton of stuff this month! I finally watched Always and Forever, Lara Jean with my best friend before Valentine’s day (reaction video is coming soon I promith), and I’ve also been binging a lot of Marvel movies lately after finally getting Disney+ LOL.

I finally!! started!!! watching!! WandaVision!!! If you read my Most Anticiated Books and Films of 2021, you should already know that I’ve been waiting for this series FOREVERRR!! I’m a huge Marvel stan and I’ve missed their movies sooo much (my favorite Avengers are Wanda, Captain America & Spider-Man) and duuuude when I say this series is good, IT IS SO GOOD!!! I never know what to expect every episode and I’m always left with a feeling of confusion BC I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!! I love Wanda so much, she’s grown so much since Age of Ultron I’m just :((( I JUST WANT HER TO BE HAPPY!!!

Oh and I finished True Beauty also, and I’m just devastated I just want Han Seojun to be happy 😦

Personal

So. I was really, really, busy, this month! And I still am really busy! The grind just doesn’t stop forrealll.

This month I had to apply to my school’s Radiography program, which is essentially the school for people who major in X-Ray Technology. In order for me to finish the rest of my classes and graduate, I have to apply to the program! It was a very hectic week for me but I’m so glad that I got it done !

I also reconnected with my friends that I haven’t talked to in a while ! 2020 was the year where I fell off with a lot of my close friends and lost some really valauble friendships which made me rlly sad for a while, but this year I started to reconnect with my old pals that had a rlly big impact on my life and I’m glad I started talking to them again ❤

I had a galentine’s day with my best friend shan! usually on a holiday we have a special day together where we have this sort of (potluck?) together and watch a movie? we always try to go for “aesthetic” foods to post on instagram and whatnot but it always fails LMAO. for galentine’s day we had shumai, mac n cheese, carne asada fries, and fried chicken along with coca-cola. we spent the rest of the night watching always and forever, lara jean and making really bad music videos LOL.

I’ve also been doing weekly writing sprints! with my lovely friends Ace @ peachnace.com , Trin @ allegoryofwords.wordpress.com and Zoe Hana Mikuta, author of Gearbreakers come out this june! If you want to join us for weekly writing sprints, join us every Monday at 12pm pst on Ace’s channel!

Doing these writing sprints have made me so productive with my writing and I’m vv glad I started doing them with my lovely group of friends, I honestly love them so much ❤ Honestly, I write a lot when I do write and I can write about 400-600 words in twenty minutes and I do enjoy writing a lot but I’m just… too… lazy… to write… LOL

I’ve been doing nightly writing sprints with Trin though and it’s boosted my productivity by a lot lmao TY TRIN!

I also finished my first anthology submission! Ace and I both wrote short stories for this Queer Yonder Anthology and we had a such a fun time writing it! This anthology submission I wrote was based off of my friend’s dream and it’s a horror/inception kind of story and it’s the second story I’ve ever written that I actually finished! Even though I didn’t get chosen, I’m really proud of myself for finishing this story that I put my all into. I’m also wanna say thank you to my soulmate Ren for helping me out on this submission!! I’m so sorry that you had to bear and edit it with me SFKASJFKASJK. I love you bae.

Here’s a smol collage of my month down below ❤

One last thing that I want to mention what happened in February is that I celebrated my ult bias’s birthday LOL. HAPPY BIRTHDAY I LURV UUU. (I also celebrated 4 years of stanning him :D) My fav thai idol ❤

Mentally, i’ve been okay. i’ve had a few moments last month when i was truly going thru it but recently i’ve been journaling my thoughts/things im grateful for/my day every night in my journal and it’s been really helpful taking some weight off my shoulders. after reconnecting with some things/people that have hurt me in the past last month, it was rlly hard to come to terms with how i felt about those certain things/people and your girl was just going thru it. but i’ve been bearing my feelings day by day. being surrounded by my wonderful book friends have helped me a lot and i’m really proud of myself for growing from the person i used to be a year ago.

My self-confidence has also been boosted up a lot bc of my amazing friends that I around me! I’ve been feeling vv pretty lately ❤ (sorry to be narcissistic but after feeling hideous for a good month this has been very uplifting on my heart LOL)

That’s all for today’s post! Thank you so much for stopping, it truly means a lot ❤

Until next time,

Jan

In a Thousand Words, I Exist

There’s this quote by Fydor Dostoyevsky (I’ve read a few of his words in my World Lit class) and I just want to talk about it, I feel like talking about it would be good for me.

So, the quote goes:

“‘I exist.’ In thousands of agonies- I exist. I’m tortured on the rack -but I exist! Although I sit alone- I exist! I see the sun, and if I don’t see the sun, I know it’s there. And there’s a whole life in that, knowing the sun is there.'” 
– Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

When I read that for class, it made me think about how sometimes people feel alone even in a room full of people. Maybe that’s just a quote from Tumblr, I know I lived, breathed, inhaled fake deep quotes from Tumblr back in 2013, but I often think about how true that people do feel like that. Because sometimes, even now I feel that way too.

Sometimes, when my words get too jumbled up in my head, and no matter how many times I cry, scream, or even attempt to explain what I’m possibly thinking about in my head to my friends or family, I feel like they will never quite understand what I’m trying to say, what kind of sentence or paragraph or even book I’m trying to decipher to them. How, at the end of the day, although I go through all this agony and loneliness, even though I attempt to talk about how I feel, how even though there are glorious amounts of people that care and surround me- why do I still feel alone?

And I hate feeling like that.

I hate feeling like the quiet and the loneliness is taking over when I try again and again to get away, to just breathe and read a page one step at a time, but in the end, my heart starts pumping loudly against my ears before I know it, and my breath gets shaky, and the quiet and the anxiety will never ever let me be free.

I almost seem to never get away from it.

Then, there’s that weird part of my brain that tells me that I’m not alone. And I know it. I have evidence of it. I have pictures of myself smiling and having fun with people that care about me, and I know they care about me. So why does loneliness seem to thaw away at any event that I’m in?

That quote makes me think about you can just open up your window and scream out into the night sky and as your screams echo throughout the city and come back to you, you get this sort of eerie silence. Because you know that there are other people living as well. They’re in front of you, but they never responded.

I have to remind myself that in a thousand agonies, I do exist. And there is life outside with people even if they don’t respond, even if they don’t understand what I’m trying to say. Just as Dostoyevsky said. There is a beauty in knowing that the sun is there. And I do. The sun will always be there, coming up for a new day even when the night and darkness falls upon me for many nights. The sun will rise.

Dostoyevsky said, “In thousands of agonies- I exist.”

And I do. I do exist. I feel real. Even at nights when I don’t.

You exist as well. We are all living in our thousands of agonies, we are all existing.

This is my own version of agonies.

In a thousand words, I exist.

In a thousand words, I’m trying to exist.

In a thousand words, I am alive.

I really like my world lit class, I get introduced to various writers that I haven’t ever read works from. I used to think that I don’t like old Victorian-era writing, but it is marvelous. There is a beauty in marvelous things.

This is a old post from my old blog so I decided why not move my thoughts here :,)
I hope everyone is well! Stay safe.
Jan.

most anticipated books and films of 2021

2020 is soon coming to a end and after a (long) journey of whatever the hell this year was, I figured what better way to wrap up the first few months of my blog with what I’m anticipating to read and watch in 2021!

This year was my year of getting back into books after a year-long hiatus. And after going through (and still going through) this pandemic, I found myself lost and back together with my first love which was reading.

Reading was the perfect escape for myself during those dreadful months of quarantine. And am I broke for ordering too much books during those months? Yes, I am, and what about it?

Not only have I been dwelling in deep with my first love that is books, I’ve also spent waayyy too much time binging TV shows and KDramas on Netflix, Disney+ and Hulu and boy, is my sleeping schedule really forked now 😀

Now that I am back with my roots, I am been exposed to wonderful literature titles and films which have always sparked an interest to me. Now that I have started this blog, I figured what other best way for an audience to get to know me other than knowing what kind of films and books I’m looking forward to in the new year? ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

I already have a end of year wrap up video on my channel if you want to check that out here ! (ʃƪ˘⌣˘)

I’m going to get anticipated reads out of the way first and then work my way into films im very excited to watch in the new year!

(P.S. just because it’s a new year, doesn’t mean the pandemic is over). Remember to take precautions, wear a mask and practice social distancing !

Part I. My Most Anticipated Books of 2021

  1. Gearbreakers by Zoe Hana Mikuta
Synopsis:

Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they’re fighting for a common purpose — and falling for each other — in Zoe Hana Mikuta’s high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown’s Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu’s Legend series.

We went past praying to deities and started to build them instead…

The Shadow of Godolia’s tyrannical rule is spreading, aided by their giant mechanized weapons known as Windups. War and oppression are everyday constants for the people of the Badlands, who live under the thumb of their cruel Godolian overlords.

Eris Shindani is a Gearbreaker, a brash young rebel who specializes in taking down Windups from the inside. When one of her missions go awry and she finds herself in a Godolian prison, Eris meets Sona Steelcrest, a cybernetically enhanced Windup pilot. At first Eris sees Sona as her mortal enemy, but Sona has a secret: She has intentionally infiltrated the Windup program to destroy Godolia from within.

As the clock ticks down to their deadliest mission yet, a direct attack to end Godolia’s reign once and for all, Eris and Sona grow closer- as comrades, friends, and perhaps something more…

I’ve been hearing so much about this book all the time over Twitter and Instagram and I absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on it! Zoe is such a nice and genuine person on Twitter and I’m excited to read her debut novel. (´͈ ᵕ `͈ )

Gearbreakers comes out June 29th, 2021. To know information about it, check it out here.


2. The Ones We’re Meant to Find by Joan He

Synopsis:
One of the most twisty, surprising, engaging page-turner YAs you’ll read this year. We were Liars with sci-fi scope, Lost with a satisfying resolution.

Cee awoke on an abandoned island three years ago. WIth no idea of how she was marooned, she only has a rickety house, an old andriod, and a single memory: she has a sister, and Cee needs to find her.

STEM prodigy Kasey wants to escape from the science and home she once trusted. The eco-city- Earth’s last unpolluted place- is meant to be sanctuary for those committed to planetary protection, but it’s populated by people willing to do anything for refuge, even lie. Now, she’ll have to decide if she’s ready to use science to help humanity, even though it failed the people who mattered most.

First of all, can we talk about how amazing the cover is? I’m stunned. Truly stunned. I first saw the cover of this book hovering around Twitter for quite some time and the synopsis really captured my attention just by the first line. Can we also talk about Asian rep? We still don’t see a lot of books with an POC main character and here we have two sisters. I truly cannot wait to see what this book has in store for us!

The Ones We’re Meant to Find comes out May 4th, 2021! To find out more about it, check it out here.


3. The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo

Synopsis:

Immigrant. Socialite. Magician.

Jordan Baker grows up in the most rarefied circles of 1920s American society- she has money, education, a killer golf handicap, and invitations to some of the most exclusive parties of the Jazz Age. She’s also queer, Asian, adopted, and treated as an exotic attraction by her peers, while the most important doors remain closed to her.

But the world is full of wonders: infernal pacts and dazzling illusions, lost ghosts and elemental mysteries. In all paper is fire, and Jordan can burn the cut paper out of a man. She just has to learn now.
Nghi Vo’s debut novel reinvents this classic of the American canon as a coming-of-age story full of magic, mystery, and glittering excess, and introduces a major new literary voice.

A lot of my anticipated reads for the new year are going to be contained of Asian Authors! It’s going to be big year for them and I can’t wait to see what these anticipating reads have for us!

Not only is the cover for The Chosen & The Beautiful absolutely gorgeous and stunning, the story seems appealing as well. We get to see the life of a socialite immigrant in the roaring 20s and her place in this different world of privilege and money. I’m still not finished with Chloe Gong’s These Violent Delights but I am obsessed with the setting of the 1920s. We don’t get to see that much in film or books and now that it’s also in The Chosen & The Beautiful, we finally get to!

The Chosen and Beautiful comes out June 2021. For more information, check out this link here!


4. Clues to the Universe by Christina Li

Synopsis:
This #ownvoices debut about losing and finding family, forging unlikely friendships, and searching for answers to big questions will resonate with fans of Erin Entrada Kelly and Rebecca Stead

The only thing Rosalind Ling Geraghty loves more than watching NASA launches with her dad is building rockets with him. When he dies unexpectedly, all Ro has left of him is an unfinished model rocket they have been working on together.

Benjamin Burns doesn’t like science, but he can’t get enough of Spacebound, a popular comic book series. When he finds a sketch that suggests that his dad created the comics, he’s thrilled. Too bad his dad walked out years ago, and Benji has no way to contact him.

Though Ro and Benji were only supposed to be science class partners, the pair become unlikely friends: Benji helps Ro finish her rocket, and Ro figures out a way to reunite Benji and his dad. But Benji hesitates, which infuriates Ro. Doesn’t he realize how much Ro wishes she could be in his place?

As the two face bullying, grief and their own differences, Benji and Ro must try to piece together clues to some of the biggest questions in the universe.

The synopsis for Clues to the Universe truly is beautiful and made me so much more intrigued every time I read it. I always will have a deep love for middle grade books no matter what because they’ve always been a comfort place when I was middle school. :,)

Clues to the Universe comes out January 21st, 2020! For more information, click here!

5. Counting Down with You by Tashinie Bhyuiyan

Synopsis:
In this sparkling and romantic YA debut, a reserved Bangladeshi teenager has twenty-eight days to make the biggest decision of her life after agreeing to fake date her school’s resident bad boy.

How do you make one month last a lifetime?


Karina Ahmed has a plan. Keep her head down, get through high school without a fuss, and follow her parents’ rules—even if it means sacrificing her dreams. When her parents go abroad to Bangladesh for four weeks, Karina expects some peace and quiet. Instead, one simple lie unravels everything.

Karina is my girlfriend.

Tutoring the school’s resident bad boy was already crossing a line. Pretending to date him? Out of the question. But Ace Clyde does everything right—he brings her coffee in the mornings, impresses her friends without trying, and even promises to buy her a dozen books (a week) if she goes along with his fake-dating facade. Though Karina agrees, she can’t help but start counting down the days until her parents come back.

T-minus twenty-eight days until everything returns to normal—but what if Karina no longer wants it to?

I follow Tashie on twitter and she is absolutely amazing omg. She’s real, hilarious and the memes she tweets about her characters and the other books she’s read is so funny. I haven’t read much fake-dating contemporary books since I was in high school but now I want to pick it back up and be back in my feels. I really do love a good wholesome, high school, slice of life fics and I absolutely cannot wait to read this in the new year (´͈ ᵕ `͈ )♥


And now on to my most anticipated films! If you didn’t know, I spend a lot of time just watching tv shows, kdramas, animes, the whole shabang bc I don’t have a life (ahaha jk… unless…?) *Disclaimer: I am a massive Marvel fan, you’ll most likely find my most anticipated films be related to Marvel. I’ll be doing reviews and theories in the future!*

Part 2: My Most Anticipated Films of 2021

  1. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Part 4
Release Date: December 31st, 2020

I began watching The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and binged it up this year, catching up with the final season. I’ve always liked shows that have to do with witchcraft and dark magic, and this show greatly satisfied my needs for a badass main character who wanted to balance normal life and her other life as a witch.

I really like this show and I’m sad that it’s coming to an end. It was really entertaining and my favorite characters are Prudence, Ambrose and Sabrina! Season 3 was really good even though it had its Riverdale cringy moments that made me question everything that was writing. I love watching meme videos of shows and youtube and here’s my favorite one of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina if you like those types of things hehe.

2. WandaVision

Release Date: Jan 15 2021

I love Marvel Movies, I love the cinematic universe and how everything is lined with each other. If you don’t know, my favorite superheroes are Spiderman (so excited for new Spider-verse movie!!) and Scarlet Witch! In my opinion Scarlet Witch is the most powerful Avenger out there, (she’s the only one who made Thanos afraid for his life!! She’s crazy!!) Just when I thought I saw everything there was to Wanda and her powers, we finally have WandaVision. She’s powerful enough to create a different reality that’s crazy dude!!

(also can we talk about how there’s going to be a Halloween episode and Vision is wearing his costume from the comics omg).

Click here to watch the latest trailer! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

3. The Falcon & the Winter Soldier

Release Date: March 19, 2021

To this day I still remember the discourse between Iron Man and Captain America and I remember getting into so many twitter fights with my old friend because of them, LOL.

I always wondered what happened after Captain America: Civil War and finally I’m getting the answers I need. I’m sad that Steve Rogers is no longer Captain America after growing up with him for the majority of my childhood, but I also love the relationship between Sam Wilson and Bucky and I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen.

Click here to watch the latest trailer (ノ´ з `)ノ

4. Loki

Release Date: May 2021

I have so many favorites in the MCU it’s insane. My top three are Spider-man, Scarlet Witch, and Captain America but my favorite anti-hero has got to be either Loki or Deadpool.

Loki has been the funniest character I have ever watched for so long, he’s literally so predictable and yet not at the same time???

Last year when I was watching Endgame with my irl friends one thing that bothered me throughout the entire film was how much they were changing up the timeline. I know Bruce said something about the past can’t change your future or whatever but I still don’t understand what he was on about LOL. When Loki took the tesseract and zoomed out of there I was like… :O NOW WHAT? I NEED ANSWERS!!

Click here to watch the latest trailer! ♡ ~(‘▽^人)

5. Dickinson

Release Date: January 8, 2021

After taking my World Literature class this spring semester, I became more involved with writing than I was before and I started to read more poets and writers from the earlier times and can I just say Emily Dickinson… she was that writer.

One of the shows I started watching this year was Dickinson starring Hailey Steinfeld and she is one of my favorite actresses ever I loved her in Pitch Perfect 2 and more. I knew Dickinson was going to be about Emily Dickinson and her journey with being a women writer in the 19th century but I had no idea it was going to be so funny. The whole show is based off of satire of the earlier times and oh my god… it’s hilarious.

Not only is it humorous but it does focus on mental health and the strict gender norms that women were supposed to succumb to back then which was really interesting to watch and I felt so bad for Emily Dickinson since her own brother took her own work and she wasn’t taken seriously.

Everyone please check out Dickinson, it’s one of my favorite shows ever!

To watch the trailer, click here (´͈ ᵕ `͈ )♥

That’s all for this week’s blog post! Here are my most anticipated books and films that I absolutely cannot wait for in 2021.

I hope everyone is safe and well. Have a great new year!

See you next time.

Jan.

welcome to jan’s corner

welcome to my little corner! ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜ ♡ this page is going to be full of my latest thrift finds, favorite outfits and more. i’m planning on great things for this page, but first, let me introduce you to my style ( *¯ ³¯*)♡

welcome to a collection of me, jan. here, you’ll get an idea of who i am as a person. what i like according to my thrift finds, taste in music, books, and more. welcome to a little sprinkle of me.

hi there. my name is jan and i love reading, editing, writing, drinking hokkaido milk tea and spilling my endless thoughts about literature, film, and occasionally music. i hope you enjoy your time here!

in this page you’ll find posts varying my thoughts about latest songs i enjoy, playlists for any type of mood you might feel suit your needs, shows i’ve been binging and the occasional food i would recommend!

i really enjoy a lot of things and my interests vary way outside of books and film, you can find anything here on januisance as long as you know where to look!

i’ve labeled everything on the nuisance page so you can find everything much easier there! everything books and literature has its’ own category on my blog tab.

thank you so much for stopping by! if you have any questions you can find my contact information on the tab above!

stay safe,

jan.